So, here goes…how does everyone else feel about the free speech implications of the “Zack and Miri” trailers that began running during the World Series?  You know, Zack and Miri, that movie starring Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks…oh, you might have known it by its original name, Zack and Miri Make a Porno.  See, they changed the name of the movie due to the apparently insensitive nature of its title.

Wait a minute…later that evening, on Comedy Central, I saw a trailer with the original name.  Now I am confused…it appears that they did not actually change the name of the movie, they just removed the “Make a Porno” part from certain commercials airing on certain networks at certain times.  So, I just have to chime in about this one, if for no other reason than the fact that Jim Morrison’s finest hour as an American was when he deliberately failed to substitute the word “better” for “higher” on the Ed Sullivan show on September 17, 1969 (the link is to the Val Kilmer movie version…where Val-Jim is a lot more of an attention-grabbing prick about it during the live broadcast than Jim-Jim supposedly was…but I could not find the original on YouTube…although I must admit I did not look very hard). 

First of all, let me say up front that I would not have enjoyed having to explain the word “Porno” to my 4-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son while we watched the World Series.  But you know what, I somehow think I could have handled it.  Anyway, here are my thoughts about this, in no particular order:

• The director of this film and presumed owner of the studio (I didn’t look it up) is Kevin Smith.  How in the hell did he let this happen?  I would think that he, of all people, would value not only his rights as an artist operating within the current rules but also the rules themselves which permit the use of the word “Porno” on the television airwaves.

• If we can assume that Kevin Smith’s hands were tied (please, please, please let that be the case…after Clerks II, he is on thin freakin’ ice with me already), then why on earth did he not just say “no thanks, we will not advertise with you”? 

• If he and his studio determined that cutting the “Make a Porno” from the trailer would make them more money, how effing God-awful rock effing stupid are the people that made that decision?  Which of the following do you think would have generated more positive buzz and box office cashflow for that particular movie within its targeted demographic?   

Choice A) Castrate the creative process and everything it stands for, just to get the trailer on during the baseball playoffs.  Oh, and as an added benefit, you get to save the parents of American from having to have an uncomfortable talk with their kids, which is just fine in the overall scheme of things, since there are plenty of more reliable sources for that kind of information that have the best interests of the kids at heart, like the internet and pedophiles and such.

Choice B) Receive publicity on every news outlet in the world as the studio, movie and director that refused to budge and said “we would rather remain true to our artists than have our trailer run during the baseball playoffs”.

Oh, there is one more consideration — Choice A will cost you around $5 million…Choice B is free.

• I don’t even want to comment on this next one, because it is too scary for me to consider…what if the media and networks were driving the train…something like “hey studio, if you don’t change the name, you will not get anything from us…no commercials, no talk shows, nothing.” 

Hopefully I am not the only one that is concerned that Hollywood, the last bastion of free speech in this country has, in this case, been forced to choose what someone else has determined to be the common good over free speech itself.  As far as I am concerned, this was a sad day for me as an American, and there have been way too many of those lately.

Oh — I almost forgot the most important part…there are Zack and Miri (without the rest of the title) commercials running during the NBA games on TNT now.  I was watching a game with my kids last night, and the first time the trailer came on, my daughter asked me “why was that lady pulling up her dress?”  The very next commercial break, the same commercial came on, and my son asked “where did that bubble come from?”  If you don’t already know about the bubble, I won’t spoil it for you.

So, it begs the following final question — in what universe is it possible that the word “Porno”, which is completely legal in this country to say on television any time you want, is censored from a commercial, but not that other stuff?  Even the “let’s protect the kids and their parents” argument does not hold water.  I am really not happy about this.