First things first, I like Bob Costas.  In fact, except for a couple of weeks every 2 years, I REALLY like him.  We get his radio program on the weekend here in Indianapolis, and I will often listen to it while I work my way through the honey-do list.

Costas is great at what he does and there is so seldom a nit to pick – but he totally screwed the pooch the first night of the Olympics (not the opening ceremonies, the next night).  OK – I have to take a slight detour here to ask you – unless you are a Canadian, how absolutely precious was Wayne Gretzky’s face during the mechanical failure at the opening ceremonies?  Thinking about it as I wrote the last sentence, I giggled like a school girl.  Team USA could win gold in every event and that would still be my favorite moment of these Olympics.  Then again, Canadians just plain piss me off…and I know I am not the only one.

OK – back to Bob Costas.  Here is the background – he was talking about Apollo Anton Ohno’s quest to tie Bonnie Blair for the most medals (six) all-time by a winter games athlete from the United States.  Just for a minute, let’s remember that Ohno has done it in one fewer Olympic games than Blair.  It was actually kind of a nice piece, and a decent repartee between Costas and Collinsworth, who are quite good together and a pleasant surprise.  Everything was fine until Costa brought up Eric Heiden.

Costas, as he is wont to do, especially during the Olympics, tries to keep things interesting, while also using some words that must make him feel superior to what he imagines to be his average viewer.  Unfortunately, he does not possess the required eloquence to do so with anything but fleeting success, and it often rings hollow with me…especially since I have actually heard him use, and mispronounce, more than one big word during all of the Olympic games he has covered.

Anyway, while discussing some of the best American athletes ever in the winter games, he mentioned Heiden and his 5 medals being tied with Ohno entering these winter games.  So far, so good.

Then, Costas said the following: “Of course, with Heiden, all 5 medals were gold, and in the same Olympics, which is downright Phelpsian.”  Kudos to Bob for coming up with a new and stupid word to honor Michael “Are You Holding” Phelps.

Here is the problem – you could almost say that the performance by Michael Phelps in Beijing was Heiden-esque…except for the fact that Phelps barely eked out a win in just about every single medal-winning swim.  If he had been done swimming and sitting on the edge of the pool, talking on his cell phone, with no shortness of breath as the other swimmers finished the race, then, and only then, could you say that he, even for one small moment, started to approach the performance of Eric Heiden in Lake Placid.

So, Costas got it dead wrong.  Hopefully, he was just trying to use a cute word that he made up and wanted to stay “contemporary” for the younger viewers, or the ones too stupid to dig farther back into their brain than a couple of summers ago.  I certainly hope that he is not so completely out of touch with Olympic history that he doesn’t know that Michael Phelps had an amazing summer games, but it wasn’t anything even close to the domination of Eric Heiden in 1980.  Picture this – 5 gold medals (still the only speed skater to win all 5 over a career, and he did it in a single Olympics), 4 Olympic Records, 1 World Record…and he didn’t need a special suit to help him set those records…just the tree trunks masquerading as his legs. 

I understand that Phelps has offered his brand of domination over 2 Olympics, while Heiden only did it once, but Heiden was blowing dudes up, while Phelps was just winning.  When you are having the kind of conversation Costas was trying to have, it makes a difference…and he got it dead wrong.

It’s always something small like this that gives me the hates for Costas, but his radio show is just so damn good that I am sure I will be back on the Costas fanboy list within a month.  But until then, that little dude is on thin ice with me…and thin ice is not something you want when you are trying to have a winter Olympics in a city where it usually rains just about every day in February.  Friggin’ Canada…

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