Can everyone please stop talking about Kobe Bryant’s new “mean” face…you know, the one he briefly brought out during the Nuggets series and featured prominently during Game 1 of the finals?  Oh, you know which one I am talking about.

I am still trying to figure out how the term “mean”, or even “scowl”, could actually be applied to something that not only looks completely non-threatening, but also looks about a douche-y as anything you could dream up. 

If I had to pick a close cousin for Kobe’s new scowl, it would have to be the rat.  But not a mean or angry rat that might inspire fear in women, small children and unattended cheese…kind of a like a friendly, Coach K rat…a wimpy rat.

In fact, I think that’s what we can start calling Kobe’s new “scowl” for the rest of the Finals…the face of a rat that is anything but mean.  Hmmmmmm.  I’ve got it!  In Game 1 of the NBA Finals, Kobe was showing off his “Pussy the Rat” face.

I know Kobe would think he deserves a better name for it, since he obviously practiced it in front of the mirror for a while…but that face is about the least fear-inspiring thing I have ever seen.  Yeah — “Pussy the Rat” sounds like a perfect description.  I guess if you were in mixed company, you could say he was making his Ratatouille face, but I personally think it loses some of the impact without the female anatomical reference, which is not only appropriate but required, in my opinion.

So, if you are watching Game 2 on Sunday night with friends, or even by yourself, when Kobe makes his new face, feel free to jump up and chime in with “Pussy the Rat!”  The more I think about it, although I am not telling you how to watch the game, I think the proper delivery might be akin to Jeff Goldblum’s character in “Deep Cover” when he is pinging around the back of the limo taking great relish in calling Barbosa “Felix the Rat.”  Just keep saying it over and over:  Pussy the Rat!  Pussy the Rat!  Pussy the Rat!

Just in case you don’t get the Ratatouille reference, take a look at the adorable main character from that movie and tell me that he does not look remarkably like Kobe Bryant’s mean face.

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Before you start digging that hole for the impending burial of the 2008-2009 Cleveland Cavaliers season, let me be the first to quote that great American philosopher, Yogi Berra – It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.  There are plenty of reasons why the Cavs are probably dead in the water…and plenty of reasons why Cavs fans should still have hope.  Let’s take a quick stroll through the options, shall we?

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Make no mistake about it, the Boston Celtics have a decided advantage in this series against the Chicago Bulls, even without Kevin Garnett.  I am not that big into conspiracy theories as a general rule, but over the past two NBA Playoff seasons, I have witnessed the following:

- Kevin Garnett setting about 57,439 moving screens in last year’s Championship run for the Celtics.

- “Big Baby” Davis somehow getting the same treatment, which is probably even a more shameless favoring of the Celtics by the refs because Davis is a load and knows how to throw his weight around and has no problem doing so with impunity during this series against the Bulls.

- Derrick Rose getting very clearly fouled on 7 consecutive possessions in the 4th quarter of Game 5 with only 2 foul calls taking place.  I know that the guy is a rookie, and I know that the Celtics winning the series could mean more money for the league, but do they have to make it so obvious?  This fact probably has me even madder than the Rondo-Miller play (see below) because if the refs would have called those 7 Bulls possessions according to the rules, then the Bulls had about a 80% chance of winning the game in regulation…not to mention Vinny Del Negro would not have panicked and would have kept giving Rose the ball every possession instead of Ben Gordon, who was still special, but you could tell he was feeling the effects of the hamstring strain he suffered in Game 4.  Rose, on the other hand, was able to get to the rim against any 2 Celtics defenders seemingly any time he wanted.  Granted, if I were Vinny Del Negro, and they were hacking the stuffing out of my rookie point guard like that at the end of the game and not getting called for it, I might have started to explore other options as well.

- Ray Allen getting a foul called on him for lowering his shoulder and trying to bully his way through a screen, then acting like the Bulls player (Brad Miller) initiated the contact.  This play looked even worse because Miller was kind of throwing Allen around like a rag doll by the end of the play.  It was, without a question, a very easy call for the officials to make…just like the ticky-tacky foul Ray-Ray committed on Ben Gordon that he whined to the refs about for at least 5 minutes.  Dude, you get 6 fouls, and you used them all…sit down and let the guys with enough discipline to play within the rules continue the game.

- The refs “missing” a fragrant foul call by Rajon Rondo against Brad Miller at the end of the OT in Game 5.  I will admit that calling this a regular old foul was an understandable call, as it happened in real time…but there was ample opportunity for the refs to look at the play and get it right, as Miller was trying to literally stop the bleeding on the Bulls bench.  There was even a question as to whether or not there was goaltending on the play, so you know damn well that the refs watched the play at least a couple of times, saw that Rondo was very clearly headhunting, as Miller’s arm was completely outstretched with the ball in it when Rondo smacked him in the face.  Here’s what else you have to know, if you either live more than 50 miles outside of New England and/or have an IQ above 80 – the refs absolutely, without question, had to make a conscious decision that, despite what they saw on the replay, they were not going to call a flagrant foul on the most important play of the game, even though that flagrant foul was probably one of the easiest flagrant fouls to call in the entire time that the league has had a flagrant foul rule.  If the replay is not enough for you, how about just looking at the dude’s busted grill?  For whatever reason (as if we don’t already know), the refs decided to ignore the rule in this particular case.

So, is there anything that can be done about this, other than bitching and moaning?  Well, I am not sure you will ever be able to get rid of the fact that smaller players usually get carte blanche to beat up on guys, even other smaller players (see Bowen, Bruce for more info)…and the refs seem to look the other way even more when you have a little guy going up against a big guy.  But that does not mean that the league is powerless in this case.

The league is probably the only entity that can right this ship.  The refs awarded a game of this series to the Boston Celtics unfairly.  The league can award Game 6 to the Chicago Bulls.  I know that we are talking about the No Balls Association here, but they would be well within their rights to suspend Rajon Rondo for Game 6, right?  I mean, he did commit a violent act of whaling on a defenseless shooter’s face during a league-sanctioned contest, right?  What’s wrong with taking away Boston’s most important player for Game 6?  A tooth for a tooth (pardon the pun) is what I say.

I, for one, do not think that David Stern has the balls, but that is basically all that is required here – a little testicular fortitude on the part of the commissioner to right a very clear, and very easy to fix, wrong perpetrated against one of its proud franchises by the refs…assuming that the refs did not make their decision because they have been under orders to favor the Celtics, Lakers and Cavaliers at all costs since October.  I mean, all of the ref problems are fixed after the league hired that military dude, right?

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Since I had a bunch of ideas for blog entries, and very little time to knock one out, I decided to take the “Random Thoughts” approach.  Sure, it is indeed the lazy man’s approach, as you essentially only have to come up with a sentence or two about each topic, instead of a whole article, but as you may already know, laziness suits me well.

So, without further ado, here are the random sports-related thoughts that have been swimming around my head over the last week:

• Deion Sanders, NFL Analyst.  When the hell did Deion Sanders become an analyst?  A couple of things he said during the Dallas-Baltimore game last week really jumped out at me:
  • Prime Time mentioned that he had a policy of never attempting to catch a punt when he had to run more than 10 yards toward the coverage.  He said that during a Saturday night game.  The very next day, no fewer than 4 punt returners muffed punts that they tried to catch after they had run more than 10 yards toward the coverage.
  • Neon Deion also mentioned that the Dallas defense was starting to look a little tired, and it might make sense for Dallas to attempt an onside kick, instead of putting the game in the hands of their defense, after cutting the Baltimore lead to 2 point with 3:50 left in the game.  He mentioned that Dallas might not even get the ball back.  In fact, it was even worse than that, as Willis McGahee broke off a 77-yard run that essentially ended the game.  Of course, faced with the same exact decision a few minutes later (down 2 points with 1:36 left), after another valiant effort by the offense, Wade Phillips made the same stupid decision again (no surprise).  So, the one burning question I have is — how can Deion Sanders know something about the 2008 Dallas Cowboys that Wade Phillips does not know?  Ever?
• Wade Phillips, Lame Duck.  For “the last straw” argument, please re-read the last sentence of the random thought above.  Wade Phillips needs to be gone after this year, no matter what.  If the Cowboys win the Super Bowl, Jerry Jones should pay him whatever it takes to get rid of him.  Anything less than a Super Bowl victory, and you just buy him out.  Here is the clearly formed argument — Jerry Jones has somehow built his team into the New York Yankees of the NFL, with embedded ESPN reporters (good luck finding another NFL team that has ever had that before), and the full-on media circus.  Well, if that is what he wanted to build, then he also has to be prepared to sack up and do whatever it takes to win…and giving Wade Phillips a vote of confidence going into Week 17 is about the least “sack-up” move I have ever heard about.  Wade needs to go…and if they do not win at Philly, then he should probably take Tony Romo with him.
• 1995 NFL Championship Game.  I watched the 1995 NFL Championship Game on The NFL Network last weekend, and I am fit to be tied.  The NFL Network removed the footage of Brett Favre crying on the sidelines of Texas Stadium at the end of the game.  Let me rephrase that — The NFL Network removed the footage of The All-Time Interception Leader Pillhead Crybaby wailing away on the sidelines.  How on earth is this acceptable from any bona fide media outlet?  Has Brett Favre become such a face of the league that they need to remove footage of him looking bad?  If that is the case, then where do you stop?  Do you remove the footage of his 157,000 interceptions from all the footage in the vault as well?
• 2008 New York Jets.  Bill Simmons mentioned in a recent column how scared he was that the Patriots season, or at least their making the playoffs, is dependent on Brett Favre.  Well, think about how scared you would be if you were a Jets fan, Bill.  Having to rest your entire season on the arm of the most successful quarterback in history at throwing the ball to the wrong team.  Did I miss something?  Did Brett Favre become clutch all of a sudden?  Have the Jets fans forgotten everything they watched on television over the last 15 years and decided instead to just listen to delusional Packers fans?  Here is all you need to know about depending on Brett Favre in big games –> Super Bowl XXXI M.V.P. Desmond Howard.
• Peyton Manning.  I cannot wait to see Peyton Manning playing on the road against Pittsburgh or Tennessee in the playoffs.  Hell, if the Chargers win in Week 17, he would have to go into San Diego and win before he even gets the privilege of demonstrating how happy his feet can get.  I have begrudgingly accepted that fact that Peyton Manning is a great quarterback, but without a second-half collapse by New England in the AFC Championship game and Rex Grossman being under center for the Bears, Manning would still be the football equivalent of A-Rod…and Tony Dungy would still be getting embarrassed in every big game by having his teams show up unprepared…kind of like a team that would give up a return TD on the first play of the Super Bowl.  Anyway, let’s just say that my wallet is sporting a woody in excited anticipation of Peyton Manning facing the Steelers or Titans defense in the playoffs.
• Tarvaris Jackson.  If my wallet was sporting a woody thinking about Peyton Manning facing Pittsburgh or Tennessee in the playoffs, then it is now messy and no longer sporting anything when I think about Tarvaris Jackson facing one of these defenses in the playoffs, if the Vikings win in Week 17: Dallas, Tampa, Philadelphia.  Here is all you need to know about Tarvaris Jackson — I have finally started exploring the “Superstar Mode” of Madden ‘08 (yeah, I know, I am about 12 months behind).  I am Adrian Peterson.  Whenever I have the option to play as “Rookie” or “Receiving RB”, I select “Receiving RB”, because in that role, I can affect other players…and I take every single point I can and apply it to “Jackson QB Accuracy”, just to have a fighting chance…and I have started the season 0-4.  He might put Vegas out of business within the next 10 days.
• Justin Tuck’s Flu.  Justin Tuck played the entire Carolina game with the flu.  I had the same illness on the same evening, and I was thoroughly destroyed by taking out the trash.  Granted, no one is paying me millions of dollars to get off the couch when I have the flu, but what Tuck did cannot go without notice.  To see him staggering around the field at the end of the game speaks volumes to how incredible his feat was during that game.  I cannot wait until he gets traded so I can cheer for him.  Way to go, Big Midget!
• Angels Fans.  How do you think Angels fans feel about Artie Moreno publicly passing on Mark Texiera before the Yankees even had an offer on the table?  Dear Mr. Moreno — if you want to stop performing like a small market team in the post-season, please stop acting like a small market owner in the off-season.
• Arthur Blank.  Speaking of d-bag owners, did anyone else catch the quote from Arthur Blank talking about Christmas miracles?  He actually implied that football fans should feel bad for his family after what has happened to them because of the Michael Vick situation.  Really?  You want us to feel bad for your family, billion-dollar beneficiaries that your dumb ass took a gamble that people would want Home Depot stores in every town?  You want us to feel bad for your family during these economic times?  Especially when you want to bring up the Michael Vick thing?  I hope you realize what is going to happen to your organization for the egomaniacal nature of that ridiculously stupid comment, Mr. Blank…and I will watch it all happen with relish.  Also, in the future, you should try checking out everything about a player you want to draft, instead of looking at his stats, and pass on guys that have the words “ticking time bomb” displayed on their wrapper…other teams have done this with great results.
• QB Hats.  What the hell is going on with the young QBs in the NFL and these stupid hats?  First it was Romo, and then I saw Aaron Rodgers wearing one of those idiotic hats himself.  So, how did we come to this?  It’s almost like these guys sat down and said, “I just don’t think I am connecting enough with the common man…I make millions of dollars and can have any woman I want…how can I douche myself up a bit to get more Joe Six Pack fans…hey, this hat looks pretty douche-y, let’s give that a try.”
• Bill Cowher.  No less a connected person than Jeremy Green has mentioned that the bidding for Bill Cowher to take over in Cleveland will start at $8 million per year, and probably settle in around $10 million per year, and he will have coaching and football operations responsibilities.  Of course, Cowher, just like every other guy that has tried this, many of them quite a bit smarter than he is, will fail and fail miserably.  Of course, Randy Lerner will let him flail away in that position for about 3 seasons too long, making it worse…it’s his move, it’s what he does…making things worse through inaction.  Why the heck would anyone want Cowher anyway?  He won one Super Bowl on a gadget play and a bunch of blown calls that all happened to go the way of his team.  He had, hands down, the best team in the NFL during at least 6 of his seasons at the helm, and won absolutely nothing with any of those teams.  I think that the Browns’ fans deserve better…it’s a shame that their owner does not agree with me.
• Psycho T.  Roy Williams is costing Tyler Hansbrough money.  Everyone that has anything to do with the NBA is talking about the fact that Hansbrough will have no success at the next level.  Of course, whenever there is such a groundswell of “experts” all saying the same thing, they are all wrong.  Hansbrough has, on occasion, shown an ability to play a totally different game away from the basket, and he will be able to do that at the next level, without problems.  He cannot take the physical pounding inside with his size, but any of those guys that can handle him inside will not be able to handle what he is capable of doing 17-20 feet away from the basket…and he will get a big fat second contract when he demonstrates that in the NBA.  Unfortunately, he will not get a chance to demonstrate that in college (thank you, Uncle Roy), and his first contract will suffer tremendously as a result.  The worst part of all about it is that the Tar Heels do not need Hansbrough banging away inside to win any and every game this year.  Roy Williams has a responsibility to all of his players to present them in the most favorable light possible the NBA scouts, provided doing so is not to the detriment of the team.  I think he should let Psycho T range away from the hoop a little bit to show his range.
• Dallas Cowboys.  I will say the same thing I have said for the past 3 weeks…beware the Dallas Cowboys.  Now, not only can they play the “no one gives us any respect” card, they have truly earned it after they got debacled against Baltimore.  Look at the rest of the teams in the playoff picture for the NFC and tell me if you think any one of them wants any piece of Dallas.  Sure, they still have some work to do, but 2 out of the last 3 Super Bowl winners were Wild Card teams that were nowhere near as talented as the 2008 Dallas Cowboys.

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OK — I wanted to wait for a little while before I posted this one.  I needed to make sure that my emotions were not getting the best of me and that I was still just as ticked off when I came back to read this a couple of weeks later.

So, without further ado, here are the random thoughts from the end of Game 6 of the NBA Finals.

• James Posey.  Watching James Posey commit a foul after the whistle on almost every play was really wearing me thin.  Jeff Van Gundy summed it up best…he’s the kind of guy you want on your team, but every other team hates him.  Move over Bruce Bowen — there is a new queen punk bitch in the NBA.  Although Posey actually brings something else to the table, unlike Bowen himself.

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Many folks far smarter than myself have given their opinion on the whole Tim Donaghy mess in the NBA.  It was the single most important part of the NBA finals, until the Celtics made one of the best comebacks Lakers had one of the biggest collapses in sports history.  I mean, seriously, it reminded me of the 2004 ALCS…sorry, I could not resist.

Man, that game was something.  It was, without a doubt, one of the most dramatic moments I have seen in sports.  Couple that with Tyree’s catch and Kansas-Memphis…and I am done for 2008.  I can’t take any more.  What a year it has been…and it’s not even half over yet.

So, let me take a little time and explain why Game 4, despite all of the drama, proves once and for all that the NBA is not legit and the fix is on. 

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